INTEGRATION FROM STALKING — BECOMING WHOLE AGAIN!
It’s been an interesting road to recovery from stalking. I have lots to say and write about it. I’ve learned a great deal. It’s been an interesting journey! A myriad of emotions and realizations.
I’ve had to self-advocate, have stronger boundaries, clearer communications, and have become one badass woman. A force to reckon with. I’ve become very passionate about education in the court systems and civil rights. I am more outspoken now.
I’ve also cut people out that have no awareness about what an actual victim is. They live in a world I do not care to be part of. Victim blaming.
I’ve met some very compassionate people. I’ve met some very informed people. I’ve met people that had just as soon not think about it. They think it not a big deal. Everyone has their opinions.
VICTIM BLAMING — CREATING DIVERSION FROM THE STALKING
One thing that we (therapists/ coaches) keep discussing is the “stalkers” (in most cases men) desire to minimize the “fear” women (the stalked) experience. They do this for several reasons:
1) To have more control over her/him
2) To create allies
3) To divert attention off of themselves
4) To shift accountability and point it outward
5) To confuse the person being stalked and make them question themselves
Victim blaming is rampant in today’s society. The other side of that is the new age crowd that diminishes by saying “you’re in victim mode”. Um, hell yes, I’m a victim. I have normal human reactions! My brain responds with fear the way it’s supposed to. I don’t get up every day asking for my underwear cut in the crotch. I don’t get up every day thinking what a great day to get stalked.
So by doing these things we are enabling this type of covert domestic violence to continue. 90% + of stalking incidents go unreported. It’s not seen as serious, even though 72% or more end up in violence.
I mean, what the hell! Why report it! It isn’t overtly threatening. You are overreacting. He seems like a good guy. Well, he might be to everyone else.
FOR FULL RECOVERY INTEGRATION HAS TO OCCUR!
Integration after victimization is a process in which aspects of ourselves have separated and need to come back together.
Until the person feels safe, that rarely happens. Such things as hiccups and feeling as if the person doesn’t want to be in their body, unexplained sweating, and rapid eye movements can occur. It’s part of the process. It is uncomfortable. For full recovery, integration has to occur.
IT’S IMPORTANT TO REMEMBER TO HAVE YOUR OWN BACK!
Even if everyone else is BLIND to what you went through, continue to seek people that actually have a healthy awareness. Continue to have your own back and believe yourself. You know what you experienced. Don’t allow the allies of the stalker to make you question yourself.
Remember that law enforcement isn’t necessarily educated on stalking. Seek professionals that have education on stalking. Continue to protect yourself.
Remember, those that diminish or blame you are in the same category as the perpetrator. Stay away from them. They have insecurity issues and are seeking to ally with the same level of dysfunction. People that victim blame are projecting onto you their own stuff.
Have your own back! Always have your own back!